Written by Gus
My inaugural blog post, what a thrill! Not quite as exciting as the parking meter I just sprayed in downtown Richmond (I held it all night for that one), but an adventure nonetheless. Since my dad drives a lot, I thought I’d give him a reprieve from his weekly writing duties.
We’re pumping gas as we speak. Some hayseed town in rural Virginia. There’s a lot of missing teeth here. I wonder how they chew their bones. Anyway, dad’s trying to put the windshield wiper back on. It snapped in two when he raised it to clean Betty’s windshield. And dad is not what you’d call “car savvy.” I think it’s supposed to rain here too. And the adventure rolls on…
In homage to Father’s Day, I’ve been sneakily documenting dad’s nuggets of wisdom. Believe it or not, the guy talks all the time. To me. To himself. To the funny man’s voice that blares from Betty’s doors. He even sings too. I love my dad’s voice. I sleep through half of it (“fetch rest” as they call it in the biz), but when I’m up, I’m a blessed pup with a front row seat.
And just so you know that I know, I’m aware he’s not my “real” dad (yes, we had the talk). Turns out my “real” dad (you know, the one with the tail) flew the coup when mom broke the news that she was preggers. Apparently the guy went a-wall and took a walk all the way to California. No joke. That’s where he lives now. I have the papers to prove it.
But enough about deadbeat dads, this weekend isn’t about them. It’s about the owners and teachers that understand the command “stay” (take that “real” dad). By the way, I’m not exactly sure how to use air quotes, I learned from a TV show my dad was watching last week.
Where was I? Right.
Dads don’t need to be blood or the same species (mine isn’t) or still on the planet for that matter either. Whoever or wherever they are, send ‘em some extra puppy love this Sunday. Enough from my panting chops though, seriously, it’s so damn hot on the East coast.
TEN THINGS MY DAD HAS TAUGHT ME ON THE ROAD
1. Under no circumstances EVER is bad internet connection a real complaint. Dad says some people walk ten miles a day just to drink water. Dirty water too. And you’re in a hissy fit because your Instagram page won’t load while waiting in line at Starbucks? As my dad says, “Let me introduce you to ‘Perspective 101.'”
2. Science and spirituality can coexist. As a matter of fact, they already do. Science teaches us what’s “out there.” Spirit teaches us what’s “in here.” (You can’t see me, but I’m pointing to my furry golden chest).
3. Highway workers are the most underappreciated souls going. They work long hours… in the sun… without any regard for their body. All so we can experience this playground called Earth. Next time you’re stuck in traffic, rather than curse the fates, thank the Youniverse for a way.
4. That dog named Marley is the reason leash laws exist. And leash laws are the reason I’ve broken the law in every state.
5. Emotions are good. Lack of emotion is not. Dad says I wear mine on my sleeve. He also says he doesn’t mind because he respects a man that communicates. Just know when to draw the line.
6. Tattooing the word “peace” on your back doesn’t make you any more peaceful. Those that ink their beliefs are typically those who fear them the most and live them the least. If it’s in another language, especially Sanskrit, dad says look out. The same goes for bumper stickers and Facebook statuses.
7. Social media has stripped the world of its mystery. Ever heard of balance, people?
8. If human beings learn to consciously breathe, two things will happen: health care will reform itself and the drug companies will go belly up. Who’s in?
9. Harry Potter is the greatest piece of literature this side of the 21st century. In dad’s dream world, it would be mandatory school text. But until we learn to play more and reason less, the paradigm will never shift.
10. Dog is God spelled backwards. Accident? My dad thinks not.
OK, wiper blade is fixed. Doubt it works.
We’ll do this again.